vagisodium: one time me and my friends were really high waiting at a stop sign and after like ten minutes he turns to me and he’s like “this is the longest stop sign ever”
they-call-me-wonder-woman: h0odrich: It’s mad depressing when u eat the last piece of candy but you didn’t look at the bag and realize it was the last one so you could truly appreciate it for what it was worth This speaks to me on a deep emotional level.
boy: shit baby you're so wet already
girl: that's actually just vaginal discharge and my body is cleansing itself from bacteria and dead cells to prevent infection and to maintain optimal reproductive health i'm not even all that turned on right now and i would prefer to go get some food or something
molegan: number 1 rule of life i like my favourite player more than you do
krabkrust: seblaine: circletines: IF YOU SAY THE WORD BATTERIES REALLY FAST IT SOUNDS LIKE YOURE SAYING “PARIS” IN A FRENCH ACCENT WORD OF WARNING THIS ONLY WORKS IF YOU HAVE AN AMERICAN ACCENT IF NOT YOU WILL JUST SIT IN YOUR ROOM LIKE A KNOB SAYING BATTERIES It sounded like i was saying ‘PATRICE’ in a french accent to be fair
wimpynoodle: I’M NOT EVEN GOOD AT THINGS I’M GOOD AT
there is a huge difference between genuinely liking someone and liking the attention they give you and it took me a long ass time to realize that
craplos: ladies. be careful when u wear spaghetti straps. it might distract the boys. they’ll start thinking of spaghetti. they will get hungry. they will stop at nothing to get their spaghetti.
why can’t plane tickets be like 10 dollars
me: makes a mistake
me: thinks about mistake every night for the next 7 years
flutterlings: the whole yahoo/tumblr thing is rly just like when a single dad marries a new woman and the kids get rebellious and are like “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL MOM”
goallagher: canada should impose a limit on how long essays can be
dai-sy-m: do you ever get random bursts of confidence and plan to do something then later wither in shyness
just-laff: egberts: if i ever met a genie i wouldnt wish for a million dollars id wish that whenever i bought something i’d always have the right amount of money to pay for it in my pocket you are one of the great thinkers of our time
growlithed: i dont procrastinate because im lazy i procrastinate because theres so much shit i need to do and its fucking overwhelming and i distance myself from it and do things that bring at least some enjoyment and then i get even more overwhelmed when ive procrastinated for too long i cant win its a vicious cycle
vandalswithjetpacks: The idea that people had sex before the 20th century really freaks me out. Like George Washington probably got a blow job and that makes me uncomfortable.
sfux: i feel like people who eat breakfast really have their lives together
7sunriseoversea: do you ever just sit back and observe people silently judging them but not like in a bad way just taking in body language and tone and whatever and trying to conclude what they’re like
cowboybeboop: muttins: viste: cowboybeboop: reblog if u were on tumblr before yahoo bought it IT’S LITERALLY BEEN LIKE A DAY AND WHAT ARE YOU EVEN TRYING TO ACHIEVE WITH THIS POST notes tumblr user muttins has the right idea
magnezone: draw things on my back with your finger so i can fall asleep/ in love with you
lanadelrevupthosefryers: I haven’t looked cute in almost 500 years
lolyoureabitch: HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO MAKE LIFE CHOICES I STILL COUNT USING MY FINGERS AND I SING THE WHOLE ALPHABET TO SEE WHAT LETTER COMES NEXT I STILL HOLD UP BOTH HANDS AND MAKE AN L SHAPE TO REMIND MYSELF OF LEFT AND RIGHT I STILL HAVE TO THINK OF AN ALLIGATOR EATING THE BIGGER NUMBER TO USE THE < AND > SYMBOLS.
robbstarked: do you ever want to take a fictional character and hold them and hiss at the world “no you don’t understand this character DON’T TOUCH THEM.”
goddammitfenton: if you ever feel bad about yourself, just remember this one time in my english class, we were writing horror stories and one of the girls wrote “it was friday the 13th, the night before halloween” for her opening sentence
svveetlemonade: me doing math homework
lowkeat: Today in science we learned that you can never gain cold, you can only have an absence of heat; and it made me think that maybe hatred doesn’t exist, and there’s only an absence of love.
shutupaubrey: team “i wore this yesterday but i’m going to a different place so it doesn’t matter”